Ahh nine weeks and counting to the end of internship! It has been a very tough year, such a roller coaster ride. I remember starting residency and feeling complete fear, talk about impostor theory! Now I feel like I have a handle on basic medical issues, feel confident managing patients in the hospital, but I am still nervous that I will miss something, give the wrong med, misdiagnose etc. In all honesty, I hope this feeling never completely goes away, as it keeps me focused if that makes sense.
However, this has been so tough on me as a mom, I cannot tell you the number of milestones I miss, the nights I cannot give goodnight kisses or read a book to Ethan. Especially now that he is pushing his boundaries (appropriately so) and I have to be the "mean mom" and tell him "no" much of the time I am with him. With such limited time, I wish I could just give into his every whim. I would never trade being a mom or my career choice as a physician though, Ethan is my light each day!

The last nine weeks are filled with many 30hour call shifts and I know there is more I will miss in Ethan's life, but interestingly this has made me more present when I am with him. I cherish these days that he still wants to hold my hand and cuddle, that kisses and hugs can cure almost anything....he is amazing.

So I take a deep breath tonight and will wake again in the am to face my fears and my joys.

Cristina