I just have to post this that a wonderful doctor friend of mine wrote during her first of residency....As I was finishing medical school, I once joked to someone that there was not going to be much difference between being a surgical intern and being a mother. Dealing with pee and poop all day. Lots of work, little time for sleeping and eating. Knowing that healing was as much an art as a science. These themes permeate both arenas. In retrospect, I guess that was mostly right, but hardest part about Year 1 of Mommydoctor was this: as a doctor and as a mother, everybody needs you. Not just that, but they need you deeply. They need you about things that matter. Life, death, self-respect, self-love, health, education, family values, ethical dilemmas. Even when the specific demand isn't that important- I mean, is the kid really going to die if he doesn't get the exact same cereal bowl that his sister got?- somehow, the way that I respond to these demands matters deeply to me. I can respect someone who couldn't care less if the company doesn't make 0.005% more money today. I can't respect someone who cares nothing about the hurt feelings of a little boy or the confusion of an elderly man. When I fall short in medicine, and in mothering, it matters. I don't know how else to say it.

Being needed all the time is sooooo exhausting. First of all, physically. Imagine this: 80 hour + work weeks. Every 3rd or 4th day, you wake up at 4, get to work by 5, stay up all night and work until 12 noon the next day. Go home, eat, shower, sleep for 2 hours, get up and pick up your kids from school. Do dinner, homework, listen to stories about the day. Crash. Work a 12 hour day or two, then repeat. For a year. I know, I know, all you doctors out there don't want to hear me whining about it, but it's my website and I can whine to the world if I want to. Then, emotionally. Every patient is sick, they are needy and rightfully so, they deserve to be treated with respect. My children are 5 and 2 and they need their mother to know them and to see them for who they really are. My husband, despite all the things I put him through, still loves me and I desperately don't want to lose that either, so he needs some time too. Still, on an almost daily basis, exhaustion makes me resent all of these people and their needs as mere barriers to a shower, sleep, and food. I heard it would happen to me, and it does. I'm so tired I don't care about these people half the time.

OK, enough of that. I think I was just having some PTSD. You should know that I made it through intern year and I'm still a very nice person.


This is so true and still a balance I struggle for.......

It is now the day after election day...whew! I am so proud of our country and the direction we have chosen together to pursue...This is such a wonderful time and challenging time. I a m happy that my son will live in a better future .

As far as the residency, it is nice to have other national and worldly events remind me that medicine is not the end all be all. It is funny, because it becomes such a small world with real daily life and death scenarios, but very dramatic egos and power displays at times. Still loving anesthesia and I back for a month at my favorite hospital, the county hospital here in town with all the uninsured, illegals, drug abusers and yes some healthy patients. We perform all the trauma surgery which I love! Crazy I know. Also my attendings are fantastic and love to teach! Still a lot of hours but for now, the stress is manageable and I am thankful for that.
Ethan is thriving as usual, attending preschool and loving it! His 4th birthday was a lot of fun and Halloween was a blast. He was a Trex and fierce! He is growing tall and strong, with such a healthy independence. He is such a light and force in my life...I am blessed. This election was interesting for him, as mom is a strong liberal and democrat and dad a republican...he could not grasp the differences we shared. Thank god we live in different homes! I am thankful that he will live a life with more unity and less discrimination...more peace.
As far as the dating scene...it is on life support for now. No dates in over a month and no prospects. I am still open and know that one day it will come~

Well I am 2 and half months into my Anesthesia residency and all in all I love it. I know I have chosen the right path for me. Now that I have been post medical school for more than a year, I have altered my future career path a little. I was sure I wanted to be in an academic institution after residency, doing research and teaching, however I have come to see that this is not as enticing as I once thought. After missing so much of Ethan's life and my family and friends lives with all the hours I have logged, I now think that I will pursue a private practice arena. This may change over the next few years, but for now, I desire balance in my life and this has been difficult as best to obtain thus far in my medical training. The first 6 months in anesthesia are thought of as a roller coaster ride and boy is it! Some days you feel on top of the world and others a complete impostor. I am sure most people experience this as they ascend in their careers. No regrets though.

Ethan is thriving and I cannot thank the help of my mother enough for her devotion. He is in preschool still and quite the popular little kid! He is having his 4th birthday party on the 27th and his entire class wants to attend....WOW! of course we will continue with his favorite theme of dinosaurs! he still spends time with his dad each week which wonderful for him and still heart wrenching for me, I miss him so much!

I am attempting the dating scene, as I have been for the past year and a half...no real prospects yet, but still searching. I know the one is out there. Wish I had more time.....

Cristina

So I am in the ICU now and on call for 30hours every 3rd night. Very tough to be away from Ethan for so long. I love the ICU but the hours are brutal. Grandma Sollars is in town now and today Uncle Dave and Grandpa ran a 10K, I had to work so I was not there, but Pma took Ethan up to see. Less than a month left and I will be done with intern year. I cannot believe that it is almost over! Wow!

Ahh nine weeks and counting to the end of internship! It has been a very tough year, such a roller coaster ride. I remember starting residency and feeling complete fear, talk about impostor theory! Now I feel like I have a handle on basic medical issues, feel confident managing patients in the hospital, but I am still nervous that I will miss something, give the wrong med, misdiagnose etc. In all honesty, I hope this feeling never completely goes away, as it keeps me focused if that makes sense.
However, this has been so tough on me as a mom, I cannot tell you the number of milestones I miss, the nights I cannot give goodnight kisses or read a book to Ethan. Especially now that he is pushing his boundaries (appropriately so) and I have to be the "mean mom" and tell him "no" much of the time I am with him. With such limited time, I wish I could just give into his every whim. I would never trade being a mom or my career choice as a physician though, Ethan is my light each day!

The last nine weeks are filled with many 30hour call shifts and I know there is more I will miss in Ethan's life, but interestingly this has made me more present when I am with him. I cherish these days that he still wants to hold my hand and cuddle, that kisses and hugs can cure almost anything....he is amazing.

So I take a deep breath tonight and will wake again in the am to face my fears and my joys.

Cristina

C and E

I have been so encouraged by friend's of mine to start this site since I have seen how well it keeps all updated. I little info on C and E: Cristina and Ethan. I am a mother to my beautiful son Ethan and a care giver to all through my job (physician). I am currently almost finished with year one of four of my Anesthesiology residency here in Denver, CO and am loving it. I have little time now, but what free time I do have, I spend with my son and family (family to me is a little nontraditional, as this includes my biological family and friends). I will update this as often as possible and hope you can all share this journey.